oases of connection part II

A few days ago I got this (@alturnbull) card from a friend. I like it a lot. The chair on the deck near a tree. Cold drink at hand, sun hat discarded … and slow cooking cast iron enamel pot visible through the kitchen window. It conjures up a lazy carefree afternoon when life is good, a little oasis. Yes, please.

‘Such a contrasting reality to the weird shenanigans going on in the world around us. Unlike the lightness in the image, my soul is actually tired. It takes so much effort to stay present, to stop scrolling, to keep my conscience clear and to turn up everyday to the things that matter most. It’s no wonder clever artists seduce us with scenes like this one. Of course the problem is that if I were to sit on that pink chair, and reach for that drink, my inner world would still be there. The weirdness of the world, the out of control power hunger and status anxiety addictions would still be lurking like some storm clouds all around.

Last year I took a sabbatical. It was wonderful, transformational even. Apart from the slow days walking multiple times along the beach at Bruns, dipping copiously, there were countless deep reflective conversations about how to live well in the next season of life. What emerged for me was a grounded conviction that my contribution was going to be cultivating oases of connection.

Connection matters. In fact, it more than matters. It is the one exception to the mantra, “there is no silver bullet”. Yes, there is. It is connection. Everything wrong with the world can be tracked back to the belief that we can live as if we aren’t connected. I live as if I can deny who I really am. It takes an extraordinary amount of work to dig deep into my soul, to face the dark corners of my psyche and bring them into the open, allowing the light of vulnerability on all, every single one of my inner world secrets. Disconnection from self.

Individualism is so ingrained. Everything about my culture says I am an individual. I talk about potential. I talk about responsibility. I talk about ownership. It goes on and on, deeper and deeper. But what if I am part of a whole? What if I am simply an expression of a collective reality known as humanity, that I am connected, not just in a conceptual, theoretical way, but really? What if my choices really do affect people on the other side of the planet? Disconnection from others.

And, most obviously, I talk about connection to nature as if nature was ‘other’. I am nature. I have plundered and exploited simply by participating in the economy of a western society. I have no idea, really, what it means to see myself as nature. Disconnection from the earth.

Connection is the silver bullet. And it isn’t such a long bow to get to integrity. If my true nature is to be connected, then anything short of that amounts to a lack of integrity. Am I integrated with my true self, with others around me and nature? Integrity.

And so, as much as I love the image on the card, I think it is subtly unhelpful. (This is completely unfair to the artist, BTW … but come with me on this.) It is unhelpful because it fantasises an individual oasis. There is nothing wrong of course with having a drink on my own. But what we need is to be invited to be intimate and relaxed with others. Two empty chairs? Three?

We need each other. We need spaces where we can connect with ourselves, with others and with the earth. We often find these oases with a few close friends, within our families if we’re lucky and maybe even in a limited way (because we need touch to be known fully) in an online community. But, heck, we need to be able to be completely ourselves, with others.

It is, I’ve come to realise, my work to cultivate oases of connection for social change leaders. But even though it is my business, it is an offer. Leaders must want more than professional development. You can get that anywhere. Vocate is about more than professional development, it is about connection.