So, what's going on for you?

A couple of mornings ago I was sitting at coffee and a friend looked me in the eye and says, “I sense there is a bit going on.” I subsequently did a rubbish job at trying to explain some things. It prompted me to sit down and think more clearly about what is going on for us. So here goes.

There are transitions in 3 dimensions.

1. I’m navigating a seasonal career change.

2. We are making some ‘step changes’ to better align our living with our espoused values.

3. We are wrestling with what it means to live wisely as the world as we have known it unravels.

The easiest one of these to explain is 1. Then 2 and 3 get deeper and ultimately more substantial. There is stuff going on in the outer world. But the inner world journey is for us the main game, and our wrestling with 2 and mainly 3 is where that comes to the fore.

I’ve stumbled, and been confusing in my conversations with people about what we’re processing because I’ve cherry picked bits and pieces from each of 1, 2 & 3. They’re connected for me, but I appreciate that it can feel all over the place for others who know us.

1. Career transition

During my ‘sabbatical’ year in 2024, I thought a lot about what is ‘mine to do’ in the world. The best expression of that is now online here. And, I really want to do this work locally; maybe I’m getting old, or maybe it’s part of my decreasing comfort with the work lifestyle we’ve all taken for granted, or perhaps I’m getting soft having been out of the metropolis and in a coastal village for 10 years now, but commuting and sitting in traffic or on unreliable public transport is deeply unattractive. I have a visceral reaction when I think of it.

The conclusion of my work with the donkey wheel foundation precipitated a career evolution that I hadn’t expected to engage for another five years. I have always worked with organisations who’s purpose I’ve felt good about. But I no longer have an appetite to work within organisations. What is ‘mine to do’ in this next season is to host gatherings in spaces that I design and curate myself.

2. Values alignment: integrity

Underneath this, I am increasingly uncomfortable with the economic system in which I’ve worked as a consultant. I’ve been engaged by organisations to design and facilitate processes that are associated with stakeholder buy-in, leadership cohesion and strategic clarity. I have been able to charge a corporate rate, in part because the story we tell ourselves about the value and impact is exaggerated. And the amount I can charge, compared with the working wage of most people feels immoral if I put myself in their shoes (as compared with justifying my worth!). But this is the system in which I’ve worked and within which we’ve developed socio-economic privilege.

So one of the things I’m changing is the accessibility of what I offer. I want to offer what is ‘mine to do’, to people who will benefit from it, at a price that makes sense to their organisation or individual circumstances, even if that is $0. But the business model doesn’t work. Surprise surprise.

So we’ve decided to fund it ourselves, by liquidating cash from our house. In other words, we’ll forfeit revenue from my work to enable people to participate in my Vocate Programs, and replace it with funds we’ve made available by down sizing.

We’re also trying hard to limit our consuming. We’re acutely aware of our privilege, we’re under no illusion of any kind of ‘goodness’. We’re stumbling along trying to do our best with what we’ve got and the consciousness that we’re living with, like everyone else. One of the things we are pursuing is what I refer to as essentialist living. Essentialism is concerned with the question; What can I not live without? Everything else goes. Ruthlessly. It’s not about austere minimalism, it is about radical simplicity and quality of design and materials. It embraces sentiment and indeed, love. For us it facilitates agility, a less constraining perspective on security and permanence, and a loosening of our grip on material goods as a means to status and certainty. We know that one way to ‘force ourselves’ to declutter and move further towards essentialism in practice, rather than as a romantic sentiment, is to move to a smaller home.

3. What does it mean to be a good human in these times? How should we live?

Wrapped around 1 & 2 for us is the broader context of what is happening in the world.

There are lots of smart people who are trying to make sense of global trends and the geo-political, economic and environmental shenanigans that are shaping the future. I’m trying to understand things as I read their stuff. (Meg Wheatley, Nat Hagens, Sarah Wilson, Jem Bendell, Jonathan Rowson, Hannah Ritchie have all been significant in their influence) But for me, the way I think about my experience is via the lens of connection. Connection at (let’s say) four levels.

Firstly, connection with the earth. I wonder what it means to be genuinely connected to the earth. How do I slow down in nature and take enough time to listen to what she is saying to me, to what she has to teach me? How do I live as if I belong to her, recognising the living organism that heaves with life, rather than her being an inanimate rock for my pleasure?

So what does it mean for me to press further and harder into practices that connect me with the earth?

Secondly, connection with humanity. How do I live as if I am part of a whole? Physically I am separated from so much of what it means to be a human these days. Poverty, war, dislocation and prejudice of many varieties are the lived experience of many, if not most people. But I wouldn’t know it living here in paradise. How do I break free of the bubble in which I live? Not because the bubble is bad per se, but because I know I am impoverished if I don’t live with empathy. My view of the world, my beliefs about what is true or what matters, can only be informed by my lived experience. And the more I think my life is the norm, the more disconnected from reality I become.

It seems to me that so much of what is wrong with the world can be traced back to a belief that I am seperate from others. So to be a good human, I think I need to figure out how to live as if ‘we are one’, not just as a sentiment in a popular anthem, but in my actual living.

Thirdly, I am sadly more disconnected from my loved ones and community than I want to be. I am busy. We are all busy with our lives. Doing good things. But I long for genuine connection. I want to be known for who I really am, not who people think I am. And I want to know my loved ones and community for who they really are. I wish I didn’t hold difficult people at arms length. I wish I had a greater capacity to love. I wish shared joy and grief were more ubiquitous for me. I am working on ways to be a better lover, a better friend, a better parent … not because I think I’m crap at these things, but because I don’t want to get stuck in ‘good enough’. I wonder what it looks and feels like to push past the barriers we’ve put up in polite society?

And lastly, I am committed to being more connected to self. My fears are more often than not suppressed so I couldn’t even tell you why I act or think like I do. I’ve learned to navigate life mostly without facing the darkest corners of my inner world. And yet I crave radical honesty with myself and those around me. It is this journey of lifting up stones, of opening doors into dark and hidden rooms in our inner world that we are venturing into. It’s frightening and liberating in equal measure.

This path deep into self found me, rather than being a journey I sought. Some things have happened that have invited me in, and with Maria’s support, I’ve taken some tentative steps.

So, what’s going on for me at the moment?

Yes, I’m in major career transition.

Yes, we’re making some significant lifestyle changes to try to actually live in better alignment with our espoused values.

And yes, I’m diving deeply into what it means to live with more connection with my true self, with those around me and with the earth. 

Yes, Alix, there’s a bit going on.